How Really Out ARE You?

We've been discussing lately the journey of healing once off the former church ship. There only seem to be a few books that help you now that you are out, while there are plenty of books that help you identify the spiritual abuse you finally had sense enough to leave. Churches have classes for the physically abused but don't seem to know what to do with the casualties of spiritually abuse. So we are learning as we go, much like pioneers in wagon trains crossing the dry Nevada desert trying to reach the Pacific Coast. We know that there ARE many others like us but we all seem to be on our own journies, forerunners of a mass exodus from the money mongering mega churches that's yet to take place.

In the last few years we've noticed a certain pattern emerging, without really meaning to, of a certain progression -- layers of religiousness coming off if the person lets it happen. We've also been watching certain people who jump right back into ministry or into another church similar to the one they left. They've seemed to stay stranded in the same state they were in before they left. It's like they are still hungry for the fix that only their particular brand of religious addiction can give them. But how will they avoid the same pitfalls that made them miserable before when they can't even see these kind of religious roads all lead to a similar end?

So, we thought to compile a check list (from what we've learned so far) of signs to gage whether you are STILL IN the religious system or whether you are REALLY OUT! Or we could rephrase it another way: How really out ARE you? Do you still crave the same things you did before you left?

Here is what we've come up with so far -- the prophetic references reflect the type of church we were in so those wouldn't apply to all churches. Feel free to add any of your own!

YOU KNOW YOU RE REALLY OUT OF THE FORMER RELIGIOUS WORLD WHEN
1. You don't mind taking time to just chill from church. If you need to sit a Sunday out, you do, and with no guilt.
2. You don't go running to leaders to pray for you every time you have a need, you take it to God yourself and if you need to, you call a friend you trust.
3. You don't stand in line to meet the pastor at your new church because you feel he/she needs to know who you are because a shepherd should know his sheep. Instead, you embrace the fact that Jesus is your Shepherd and HE knows who you are and that He not only loves you deeply, he actually LIKES you and is interested about every detail of your life.
4. In your new church you feel more like hiding behind the pillars to remain unnoticed. This is actually a good sign.
4. For those who used to watch TBN, you don't anymore.
5. You don't seek personal prophetic words from 'prophets'.
6. For those of you who subscribed to the Elijah List, you are no longer interested.
7. You are no longer interested in church conferences or prophetic parachurch conferences. You are now free to spend your money and time wisely to pursue your own art, dreams, and the like.
8. You realize that the time spent at former church wasted precious time and you grieve over the lost time more than you grieve having to leave.
9. You wake up one morning and realize you really DON'T CARE what the former church people think of you.
10. You have an increasing desire to purge your vocabulary of any Christian Lingo, i.e. religious sounding jargon.
11. You realize that you still have your faith even after it's gone through the wringer and you are now sitting at the feet of God with a sound mind even if you do feel like you are in first grade all over again.

DeTox Before Jumping Into Something New

We've been watching certain fellow "ship jumpers" pivot back into ministry in other churches shortly after their flee from the controlling church we were all a part of. Having felt the need to heal and get set free of all the legalistic garbage that had seeped into us without our knowing it, we've been holding our breath (sort of) waiting to see how long they last before the same thing happens to them again.

As with any form of abuse, human behavior shows that we gravitate toward what has hurt us in the past. Getting healed and functional in an area is certainly vital before hurling headlong into the same abuse again. Often the abused becomes the abuser so the need to at least undo what's been done should take place in us first, if not a complete recreation of the soul, before taking on something new. And what's the hurry? Is it an ego trip or insecurity issue? It could be and it's something we all deal with.

Yes, it's been uncomfortable at times when we don't give in to the common expectations of the Christian Culture to serve in the local church in some way. Especially when the church is a healthy fruitful one. But we've been listening to a voice within that we do believe is from the Holy Spirit, to wait till he gives a green light to that type of thing. Well, at least that's what our general concensus is. We all hear from him individually and in essence he's been reminding some of us that we aren't ready yet.

Maybe we'll never be completely without the long term effects of what we went through. But that doesn't mean that the Lord wouldnt want to work on us for at least some semblance of health, giving us time to reclaim our own faith, and the opportunity to be happy again, and eventually even be a better help to those who go through what we've gone through.

Meanwhile the Lord is faithful to 'use us' to confirm to others who are in the same 'place' that they aren't crazy and to take comfort in the fact that their faith is intact and that's a good thing.

We may still break out into a sweat if we see an offering basket go by or hear a plea for help from the children's ministry on Sundays. We are obviously not ready to do anything more than be a part of the throng (when we can even do that) knowing that it would be a disservice to the church to engage while still under diress.

To summarize, each person has a different time line and a unique path of ministry. Some of us may never help at a church again. Ministry is being redefined completely as we let the Lord recreate us for whatever the next step is--in or out of a church. That's the most healing thing of all, knowing that God isn't limited to the four walls of a building.